Do I demand too much to be the perfect mother to the father of my son who is now almost 2.5 years old? I always felt that I was only considered as a ‘nanny’ for my own children. I’m the one who is always scolded when something happens to my child like when he slips, or sucked table.
My son is the active type, Bun. Either just active or hyperactive indeed. Because he really can’t stay still, hard to hold, and hard to catch when he’s running around.
As a mother, you will definitely feel the most guilty when something bad happens due to her active nature. Although it’s actually not my fault if something untoward happens to the child. But it’s a mother’s instinct.
His father should know very well how my son behaves every day. He himself was never even able to when I leave it child for just me to bathe or eat. He also never helped me with children’s matters such as bathing or making milk. And, I’m the first person to blame the most if anything goes wrong.
Yes, I know it’s my responsibility if my child suddenly falls or knock table because 24 hours I am with my child. But I’m also a human, not a robot! I can get tired, sometimes careless, and my feelings will be even more broken if I add insults from my husband.
There are a few sentences that I still remember as the reason why I felt only considered as a nanny. My husband once said this when my son slipped while running, “If you are a baby sitter my son, I fired you long ago.”
He also once said, “Your son would be ashamed to have a mother like you.”
And, when my child is having a tantrum, I always try to apply the parenting knowledge that I know to be patient with children. But my husband impatiently always called me gob*** because he thought I was just silent when the child cried. The reason is that he feels sorry for his son because he has been left crying for too long.
There are many other things that make me sad. the words of animals, cursing gob***, bo***, are not foreign to my ears. All this time I just kept quiet and thought, “Who am I? Do you think I’m here? Is it true that I’m only considered a caregiver?” .
(Mother A, Jakarta)
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